Fictional superfights – Lyoto Machida vs Ryu

Each month (well every 4 weeks anyway) we will be pairing up MMA fighters with their fictional counterparts, and having a bit of a guess about who would win if they were to throw down fisticuffs.

First up Lyoto “The Dragon” Machida  takes on Street Fighter’s Ryu.

The Stats

Name: Lyoto Machida

Birthplace: Brazil (of Brazilian/Japanese heritage)

Fighting style: Machida/Shotokan Karate, BJJ

Career highlights: Knocking out Rashad Evans to win the UFC light-heavyweight title, crane kicking Randy Couture in the face.

Strengths:

  • Infamously “elusive” footwork
  • Unorthodox yet effective striking
  • Drinks piss

Weaknesses:

  • Often criticised for lack of aggression
  • Very superstitious
  • DRINKS PISS!

Name: Ryu

Birthplace: Japan

Fighting style: Freestyle/Shotokan Karate

Career highlights: Being on the cover of like a zillion games, punching a vagina into Sagat’s chest

Strengths:

  • Super cool headband
  • Arms are so muscley no gi top can hold them
  • Can shoot fireballs out of his freaking hands!

Weaknesses:

  • Basically the same as Ken but without the cool hair
  • Is apparently scared of spiders
  • Is made of thoughts, and like, electricity or something

The Scrap 

Round one would start with Ryu doing what he always bloody does, walking backward as far as he can and firing “hadouken” blasts at Machida, hoping for an easy victory. “The Dragon” however cannot be so easily vanquished. Using nifty footwork he deftly avoids the deadly blasts from Ryu, who has spent most of his life fighting in 2D. Once on the inside Machida is able to start working his striking game, darting in and out of range and peppering Ryu with punches and front kicks to the body. Sensing his health bar is rapidly disappearing Ryu abandons his game plan and switches to his second favourite tactic, waiting Machida to come in then ducking and kicking at his legs. Just as Machida starts looking confused as to why his opponent is trying to kick him in the shins, the bell sounds and round one comes to a close.

Round 2 starts much more aggressively, with Ryu jumping the length of the cage and trying to catch Machida off guard with a flying attack, Machida however is already out of the way and throws a huge head kick, just missing Ryu, as he ducks under and throws another low kick. Adjusting to this tactic Machida wades in with punches, ready to defend the low kick when it comes. What he doesn’t expect however, is for Ryu to instead throw his signature “shoryuken” uppercut, tearing the former champion’s torso to shreds. Joe Rogan and Mike Goldberg sit in shock at cageside, for once speechless, totally covered in the Brazilian’s blood and entrails. Referee Yves Lavigne allows the gaming legend to land a further 8 or 9 punches on the barely recognisable as human Machida, before finally stepping in, officially stopping the fight at 1 minute 15 seconds of round 2.

Afterthoughts

Machida is one of the greatest light-heavyweights on the planet, and undoubtedly with go down in the history books as one of the classiest, most interesting fighters of our time. But come on, Ryu can throw fireballs OUT OF HIS FREAKING HANDS.

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